I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
