I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
