Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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