Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
