i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
