Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
