so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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