I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
