This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
