Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize