you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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