Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
found the other keg... it's in the tree
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
