feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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