what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
