Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize