i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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