I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
