I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
