the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
