my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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