How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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