im drinking this country out of the recession.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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