he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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