Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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