He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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