I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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