More tranny stories later!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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