we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
