Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
