Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
