somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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