Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
