Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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