planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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