when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
