Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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