accomplished twins. life is a go
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
