found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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