I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
