I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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