Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
