i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
