if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
