I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize