I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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