you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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