i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
