can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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