Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
