So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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