East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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