genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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