You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
