I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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