Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
