what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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