NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
