dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
