Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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