You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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