UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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