so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
