Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
