did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
