Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
