Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
