I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
