yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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