Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
