I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
