your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
