I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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