I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
