there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
